Week One and New Insights

So this morning I completed week 1 of boot camp. Today seemed a little easier than the other 2 days. Don't know if I'm more in shape or if Cody took it easy on us.

I am disappointed in my mood this morning though. I woke up fine then checked my voice mail and was upset by the message I got. It really brought me down. Which leads me to my next point or question or rambling.

Co-dependency is my newest topic of conversation with God. Mostly because I am guilty of it. This is our (me and God's) ongoing issue at the moment. I will say this. I am co-dependent in that I should not let other people's drama or problems affect my mood, like it did this morning, but I really feel like God and I had a break-through in what is and what isn't co-dependency.

Night before last I was praying about this. Mostly just rambling to Him that I hate it that people try to make me feel bad for caring about what goes on in the lives of the people I love. And some new thoughts came to me. Yes, I should not let their actions affect my life but it is ok to care. Here's the thing, it hurts my heart when people I love are hurting and it fills me with joy when people I love are happy. To me that is normal. I am an emotional person, that is the way God wired me. And people (by that I mean people who are extremely close to me) tell me that is not a good thing. But after the other night, I do not agree. They try to tell me that I shouldn't feel emotions about the lives of the people I love. But think about this. Can you really love someone (agape love) and not care about them? That is essentially what people are telling me to do. If you love someone, you should care about them. Look at God for example. He loves me. He hurts for me when I hurt and He's happy for me when I'm happy, or so I've always been taught. The creator of the universe sits on His throne and guess what, He cares about what's happening in my life. He does not sit there unattached emotionally from what is going on. He loves me and because of that, He cares. Now, being perfect and all, He does not let what happens in my life affect His but He does care. There's the line that I have trouble with and am learning about.

So that break-through really helped me personally but I got to wondering about why people try to make me think otherwise. Could it be that to "love" and not care is really just about self-protection? A way to isolate yourself from being hurt by other people? I really don't have that answer, it's really just more a thought to ponder. But I do know this: I care about the people I love and that's ok. Now I just need to work on that line... Pray for me :)